Jim van den Bos
You, cheating lying fucking dick, left me in charge
Taught me responsibility, only to corner me in this position
“Let’s pull schedules to plan a nice lunch,
I’m still your father”
You, disgusting egoist, sacrificed my childhood
I saved mother by force feeding her during the grief
I raised my brothers daughter when he got depressed
I juggled three jobs so we had food
You, meaningless asshole, confused all my certainties
“Cheating is not done” “Always be honest” “Be kind”
“Dedicate yourself” “Have patience” “You are the best”
“I’ll always be there for you”
You, shallow motherfucker, built up your life again
I didn’t know needing space meant moving in elsewhere
Look at those ridiculous pictures you post
The pristine papa of a family of strangers
You,
I love the father you were for us
The trusted herder, proud of his flock
Showing my first baby-picture to strangers on the street, smiling with pride.
Dad,
It would have been easier if you died.
Written in 2019